Insight Cultural intelligence
Silence does not always mean what you think
A few seconds of silence can trigger a conclusion. On their own, they say nothing about what is happening.
THE FACT
After receiving feedback, the person stays silent for a few seconds.
That is all that was observed. Not an expression, not an intention: a duration. And yet, by the end of those few seconds, most managers already have an answer to the question of what that silence means.
THE POSSIBLE READINGS
Six explanations, all defensible.
The person disagrees and chooses not to say so. They did not understand and do not want to show it. They accept and see nothing to add. They are thinking about what has just been said. They hesitate to contradict their manager. They are searching for words in a language that is not their own.
None of these readings is true because it comes to us first. None is false because it surprises us. At this stage, they have exactly the same status: hypotheses.
The silence is a fact. What it means is not.
WHY THE FIRST READING WINS
What follows often confirms what had already been decided.
Once a reading is adopted, it steers the rest of the exchange. The manager who read disagreement restates the point more firmly; the person, who was thinking, feels pushed and closes up; the withdrawal observed confirms the assumed disagreement. The initial reading was not verified: it was made true.
There is nothing exceptional about this mechanism. It happens all the more easily when the initial reading is plausible and the situation calls for a quick response.
WHAT CAN BE VERIFIED
Let the silence run, then ask what has been taken from it.
A silence lasting a few seconds longer is not lost time: it is often the only condition for the person to put into words what they think. The question that follows is not about agreement, but about understanding: what the person takes from it, what they plan to do, what still seems unclear to them.
What do you take from what I have just said?
The answer generally rules out two or three readings at once. What remains is narrower, and the rest of the conversation is finally about the real situation.
This text goes deeper into one dimension of our expertise The full mechanism, the demonstration that makes it visible and the possible forms of engagement are set out on the expertise page.
Cultural intelligenceCONTINUE
Other insights on cultural intelligence.
- Insight Before correcting a behaviour, you need to know what you are looking at What we observe is a fact.
- Insight An instruction can be clear to the person giving it and ambiguous to the person receiving it An instruction can be perfectly phrased and still produce several readings.
- Insight Not everything is cultural Looking for a cultural explanation too early can keep you from seeing the real problem.
- Insight Adapting without lowering the bar The objective can stay exactly the same while the way you bring someone to it changes.